Evelyn Reese Woodhouse Henderson was born on Monday, October 4, 2010 at 10:15pm. She weighed 7 pounds and 14 ounces, and measured 21 inches long.
I am a mother.
I have a daughter.
Such bizarre and beautiful words. I can’t quite wrap my head around it. I’ve been trying to convince myself that this is all real and happening. As I hold her in my arms, I catch my reflection in the mirror and try to process the image of me, as a mother, holding this soft, pink, perfect newborn. I take it all in, but can’t completely understand it.
This heart is an extraordinary machine. It explodes, like a grenade, shattering into a million tiny shards only to heal itself long enough to explode all over again. My days are numbered. I am quite certain a person can die from loving too much. There is no room for indifference in motherhood. Every emotion is highly concentrated, more intense, more profound than before that it literally makes my heart weary from feeling too much. I am afraid of everything now. I want to protect her from the world. It is a deep and shaking fear, one that I cannot govern, no matter how hard I try. It’s almost too much to bear.
I’ll admit, my faith was not what it should have been. I questioned everything, explored other paths before choosing my own. I worried that I didn’t believe deep enough, that I somehow wasn’t “doing it right” — that my salvation could be taken away by my constant questions and doubt. But slowly and cautiously, my husband brought God back into my life. And as each perfect plan unfolded itself before us, uncanny event after uncanny event, I couldn’t help but believe that our marriage was cut from a divine design. And now, with the birth of my daughter, God is finally made tangible and consummately real to me. When I look at her, I know that God exists and that His love for us is immeasurable. From each tiny fingernail to every curved eyelash, Evelyn’s beauty is absolute and pure and perfect, and only one God can create. How can I ever be worthy of such a gift?
congratulations! so happy you're all doing well 🙂
Congratulations! She is a beautiful baby girl!
I know in my heart you're going to be an awesome MOM! Evie is where is most safe and loved. Motherhood is a learning experience without instructions to follow, just listen to your heart……
I am sure you both will be the awesome parents for our little princess Evie
Hi Sweets,
Now you get the chance to mold, shape, and build her up.Let her know that you love her, always! Remember your values and instill it to her with pride. Teach her that she's a child of God. Then, fear not and stand in awe, for she'll fly with grace, confident in her intellect and talents. By the way, start praying for a God-fearing boy who will one day sweep her off her feet. Of course, he has to go through her dad first whom I trust would scare the living Jesus out of him first. Ha, ha, ha.
I love you and little Evie.I can't wait to see the beautiful woman she'll become inside and out because of you.
I know exactly what you mean 🙂 I welcomed my little girl into the world a two months and four days ago and I still get overwhelmed with emotion when I look at her. Congratulations on your beautiful addition to your family!
I feel the same way about my daughter! Congrats on your beautiful girl! Enjoy every minute!
I'm feeling this more every day…
…The desperate need to create and become a safe place for my growing baby.
…The wonder of design and creation as Baby grows eyes, ears, nose, nails, ovaries + 2million eggs (if she's a girl).
…And the appalling absurdity that Baby could be anything other than divine creativity at work inside me.
My heart is already overflowing with pride, joy, fear, and wonder…and I'm only at 14 weeks! But with every passing day, I'm more and more convinced of God's immeasurable love for us, and for this baby. I run through woods and go, "God made this for you to enjoy, little one. For you to enjoy and by which to know how deeply loved you are." And every ounce of my being is ready to spend eternity in hell, if only Baby will know this extravagant love.
This parenthood thing – specifically, motherhood – is brilliant and frightening.
She is simply amazing and beautiful! Congrats on mommyhood, and on a healthy daughter!!
Congrats – she's beautiful. Evie is one of my favorite names too 🙂
congratulations!!! she's gorgeous!
Perfect. I love you.
Jen,
Thank you for sharing such powerful words, such powerful emotions. I look forward to the day when I can share in the profound revelations that accompany motherhood. Your comments on faith and God's love have refocused my attention and reminded me of what is truly important in life. Yours were well timed words for me to receive.
And what a beautiful baby girl for you to celebrate. Congratulations! I wish all the best for you and your new little family.
Blessings,
She is precious! Thank you for the thoughts on motherhood. As the delivery of our precious little one gets closer, I have been feeling many of the same things.
Congratulations and I am so happy for you and the new addition to your family. I am glad to hear everyone is happy and healthy. Your talent for words has been inspirational and well written. My 17 year old daughter's name is Eve but she goes by both Evie and Evelyn as her nicknames. Happiness to you all.
From one Army wife and mama to another: welcome to motherhood! You have already found what I learned to be true–that your heart seems capable of endless expansion. Just wait until Evie wakes up one morning, looks at you, and sighs while saying, "Mommy, you're a sweet girl." (pjToddler, age 2). Or to see the look on your husband's face when she says, "I'm so happy you're my dad."
Enjoy every minute.
(And God does have a plan. It's so nice to be let in on the secret every once in a while!)
hi im just wondering, are you a filipina?
Rosanne – yes I am!
I hadn't been on your blog in a while so I was playing catch up… this post is SOOOO beautifully written Jen. You have such an amazing way with words. I am so proud that you have found your way back to the fold, and YES God is the ONLY one who can create such beautiful beings in our children.
Absolutely love this – you describe the feeling perfectly! And you're right – only God could create something so profoundly perfect.